Im in a nightmare and the worse part I cant get up!!!?

Im literally effected by drugs, at age 15 I started smoking marijuana then in a year I moved up to cocaine while still smoking weed and only sniffing coke did this for two years then in my last 4 months started sniffing meth.... In August of 09' I overdosed on meth, soon after I decided to get clean no more partying time for a new life and new start... it was two weeks after everything that I stared to go insane I could remember everything that has happen to me now to this point, literally viewing everything as a false reality to wanting to kill people and myself to pain attacks that ended up in the ER. Strange nightmares, compulsive thoughts, shaking, and vomiting. Unexplainable chills and craps in hands and nerves. Seeing everything in a very fast motion looking at people as if there were aliens and not know what was wrong with me. I was hospitalized for major anxiety and depression soon after in a state physic ward which was problem one of the worst things to happen to me. There I was put on Prozac, Kolonopin and Valium. I ended up sleeping for days in there from what it seemed to me it felt like two days but in everyone else’s reality it was ten. Now at home suffering residual effects from the street drugs still, I stared to have extreme homicidal ideations till this very day I suffer from them. Viewing everyone as if I want to jam a knife through their throats and kill everyone, I don’t understand this, No one has upset me to do this un humane action but yet I strive in a compulsive way of thinking this over and over in my head this has truly made me who I am today Which Is, I don’t want to go to work I don’t want to go to school I don’t want to go out I don’t want to see people all for their protection not mine. The way I think is not right nor humane its not only my homicidal ideations its everything else, Such as I will be sitting in a room full of people and not knowing who there are and I look at them weird the look strange to me not of my world I was use to I’m afraid I can not make it in this life I have problems that are different then your usual problems, I have given up on the fact I can be altered for I have been off the Prozac for months the homicidal ideations should be gone if the Prozac was the case but they seem to be still here lingering in my mind as if they don’t want me to be successful in my life. Don’t want me to move. Sometimes I still think I’m on the meth spinning a hundred miles in my head like the effect of tweaking. I know I’m very compulsive and I’m afraid to address my problems to any consoler nor physiatrist for their advice will have me committed. Here’s my life right now in a nutshell I probably think I’m afraid of killing some one or hurting them about ten seconds in a day when I see my parent or brothers I question it. When I’m a lone I really don’t but I’m afraid of being alone. The minute I see my mom I’m terrified of hurting her It like this paranoid compulsive thought I really do think thought drive a person to insanity more than in actions. I cant function normally sometimes I’m afraid of my own skin I question the existence of life everyday and view humans as bugs and aliens. I cry almost three days out of the week cause of all of these problems I have given up on a god. I am just negative inside and all around I cant help myself I’m my worst enemy right now and people can help me because I think I’m going to strangle somebody one of my worst fears is to end up in a mental facility but I don’t know where else to go from here. I was running today and the minute I stared running I was thinking I was in a video game everything seem to be so fake if I wanted to jump in front of a car It wouldn’t because it was fake but of course I didn’t do that only because I knew wither fake or not I would be died I don’t understand the way of life how am I suppose to be working or going to school if I just want to hurt everyone, I really do think I’m very depressed .